Monday, March 15, 2010
march has always been a transformative month for me, whether i like it or not. things always seem to come to a head around the time that winter is playing tug of war with the forces of renewal. spring is timid at first and then boldly abundant.
i am embracing change. got a great pop punk demo the other night from a band called 'With The Punches', really well done demo. The band name couldn't be more fitting right now. I am not feeling so much 'poor me' as just accepting and learning. It's all you can do when you have struggles or tumult in your life. It's like after you learn how to defy PTSD, you can look at yourself and say-"who was i before this trauma and what have i learned as a result".
been having great results with mental excercises lately to sort of, not purge negativity, but try and not be ruled by it. i must admit i do often wake up grumpy, usually because i don't sleep well in the first place.
but yeah, march usually seems to be when long time relationships have ended or the end of cycles. i used to sort of curse it. i now try to recognize things better. years ago at a height of depression i tried to kill myself in the early part of march. (i don't mind the ides, becasue it means we are in the homestretch, lol)...this year has been an example for me of the promise inherent in humility and also that good and "bad" co-exist. Cambria, my 'kid' sister, had her first child this march and it is a beautiful baby who was born early and yet is doing well. Other forces in my life that are peripheral remain sick in some ways, some people with blocks or mental problems...other elements of sickness have struck at my family.
But all things are present in the greater cycle. We are whole, though we often live with blinders on.
I am too much of a 'punk' to give up on my raw emotion, because i long ago learned that it can be very beneficial if harnessed correctly. That said, again, it is really important not to be ruled by it. evaluate and take stock of what events or life is churning up in you and allow yourself to FEEL it, but don't let it own you. Otherwise you are more the tool of what you are expressing than the one who is in command of what they speak. We've all been there.
So, yeah, i've been writing a lot and living at home with my parents, trying to help them out. My father has cancer but has a good attitude about it, though the whole process is frightening.
I am very thankful for so many fo the connections I have in my life. It keeps me bol;d in times of 'famine'. I feel humble and that even though the economy has rocked a lot of us and is certainly giving me a hard time right now, that bonds and rock n' roll and humility LACED with a sense of purpose and pride is ok and will get us by.
I read a great quote the other day in SHAMBHAVI L. CHOPRA's wonderful book on Kali called YOGIC SECRETS OF THE DARK GODDESS. In it she writes ," Wealth, abundance,desire and happiness are not maya (ie:often negative illusion), if we experience their pure essence with grace."
I couldn't agree more. It is the bedrock of my outlook on music and creativity, really. I make art and write with a purpose and of course I want to be succesful, but I would never try and sacrifice anyone along the way, and it is why being a part of the punk scene is very much about community for me. We are all part of this organic larger creature. It works better in harmony with itself than when people showboat over others. Just like the real world, i disagree that over population means the planet can't sustain us. Mother Earth (or the rock scene) is bountiful enough and poewerful enough to sustain us all, but the problem is that we are all idiots and emphasize the wrong lifestyles or (in the case of music) old philosophical approaches, to make it work for everyone. Think of how many crops die on the vine and how wasteful people are, or how the emphasis in mass media is all flash in the pan and not about building culture up. It sucks, for example, that many black people don't acknowledge their heritage as the pioneers of rock n' roll. That's your torch, baby, not just hip-hop!
Anyway, it has been really great to be working with Dave Daw and my new band Antidote 8 at Darkworld Studio. I feel reconnected to the musical process like never before and also have had the luck to have some wonderful philosophical conversations lately with artists of as varied backgrounds as Facedown records' great Christian Hardcore band Wrench In The Works and black metallers Aosoth (the latter has yet to be published) for Crushermagazine.com
Everyone has a piece of the puzzle to reveal adn we are all humans with different backgrounds tinting out lenses. This is something we often forget as we label one another red or blue or whatever.
I am trying to keep in this headspace and stay positive, revelling in the fragrant aroma of life's varying hues.